The worst thing about a bore is not that he won't stop talking, but that he won't let you stop listening.
He has occasional flashes of silence that make his conversation perfectly delightful.
The greatest problem of communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.
What do you mean we don't communicate? Just yesterday I faxed you a reply to the recorded message you left on my answering machine.
I am unanimously in support of what I said even if others disagree.
Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal.
The spoken word belongs half to him who speaks, and half to him who listens.
I thought you brought the tickets!
To get the right answer, it helps to ask the right question.
Communication Barriers
How well we communicate is determined not by how well we say things but how well we are understood.
If you don't give people information, they'll make up something to fill the void.
If you want to build trust in a relationship, make sure you use appropriate body language. When you speak to someone, face them directly, (nose to nose, toes to toes) rather than at an angle where their prerception may be that you are giving them the "cold shoulder."
Communication without compassion is brutality.
Management is like writing in the snow. You've got to keep repeating the message over and over.
It's a mistake to think we listen only with our ears. It's much more important to listen with the mind, the eyes, the body, and the heart. Unless you truly want to understand the other person, you'll never be able to listen.
Seven Principles of Good Communication
What we learn to do, we learn by doing.
When dealing with difficult BEHAVIORS say: "When you (describe behavior), I feel (describe feeling), and this results in (describe effect)."
- George Bernard Shaw
- Wall Street Journal
- Dan Quayle
- Steve Rubenstein
- French Proverb
- Couple overheard at the Charlotte Douglas International Airport
1. Name-calling
2. Diagnosing
3. Ordering (Saying "Do it or else!" only stimulates curiosity about the "else")
4. Threatening
5. Diverting ("So you think you've had a bad day ....")
6. Sarcasm ("Can't you take a joke?")
7. Dragging up the past
8. Negative comparisons ("Why aren't you more like ...")
9. Judgmental "You" messages
10. Lecturing
- Andrew Grove
- Carla O'Dell
- Sharon Johnson, IBM
- Mark Herndon
(Interestingly, the Chinese character for "listen", pronounced "ting" consists of pictures of the ear, eye, and the heart.)
1. Keep it simple
2. Use metaphors and analogy
3. Use many different forums to spread the word
4. Repeat, repeat, repeat
5. Lead by example
6. Explicitly address inconsistencies
7. Listen and be listened to
- John P. Kotter, "Leading Change"
The EAR model is a useful tool for effective listening:
E - EXPLORE using open-ended questions such as "What" and "How", OBSERVE non-verbals
A - ACKNOWLEDGE by paraphrasing what you think the message was
R - RESPOND
When listening, people spend most of their time responding. To be an effective communicator, spend more time exploring, observing and acknowledging.
99% of all problems in communications start with mis-understandings which develop as a result of differing viewpoints and conditioning.
The most important component in COMM_NICATION is the YOU (U), and, unfortunately, as in the spelling of the word here, it is often overlooked or missing.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
The ability to express an idea is well nigh as important as the idea itself.
- Bernard Baruch
If you explain so clearly that no one can misunderstand, somebody will.
Silence is argument carried on by other means.
- Che Guevara
It is all right to hold a conversation but you should let go of it now and then.
- Richard Armour
Diplomacy is thinking twice before saying nothing.
Get in touch with the way the other person feels. Feelings are 55% body language, 38% tone and 7% words.
It is better to use short common words and be thought half-educated than to utilize sesquipedantic locutions and remove all doubt.
People should talk less and draw more. Personally, I would like to renounce speech altogether and, like organic nature, communicate everything I have to say visually.
- Goethe
A facilitator was presenting a session on leadership to the security and administration staff of a California woman's prison. In order to get the attention of the group after breaks and sub-group discussions, the facilitator suggested using an old wagon train technique of raising the hand and shouting "Ho!" The group gave a non-verbal indication that showed some uneasiness. The facilitator inquired as to their concern and discovered that in a woman's prison the word "ho" was slang for "whore". Needless to say, shouting "Ho!" would NOT be appropriate in this setting!
The correct strategy for Americans negotiating with Japanese or other foreign clients is a Japanese strategy: ask questions. When you think you understand, ask more questions. Carefully feel for pressure points. If an impasse is reached, don't pressure. Suggest a recess or another meeting.
- John L. Graham and Roy A. Herberger Jr.
WATCH WHAT YOU SAY!
In the course of your conversation each and every day,
Think twice, try to be careful of what you have to say;
Your remarks may be picked up by someone's ear,
You may be surprised at what some people think they hear.
Things that you innocently say, or try to portray,
Can be changed, and greatly exaggerated along the way;
Many stories change for the worse as they are retold
So try to keep any questionable remarks "on hold".
May I give all of you some very sound advice?
When you speak of others, say something nice;
Try to say good things, regardless of who is around,
If you have nothing good to say, don't utter a sound.
You may find that an innocent remark, in the end,
May lose you a close and valued friend.
- Henry Lesser
When in doubt, ask.
When not in doubt, ask.
-If you are not in doubt, you may be kidding yourself.
Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
- Rudyard Kipling
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAY, IT'S HOW YOU SAY IT:
- "You look like the first day of Spring" vs "You look like the last day of a long hard winter"
- "When I look at you, the wheels of time stand still" vs "Your face could stop a clock"
God gave us two ears but only one mouth. Some people say that's because he wanted us to spend twice as much time listening as talking. Others claim it's because he knew listening was twice as hard as talking.
In the last analysis, what we ARE communicates far more eloquently than anything we SAY.
You can say "no" and smile only when there's a bigger "yes" burning inside you.
When bitten by a poisonous snake, what's the best thing to do? Remain quiet, apply a suction cup if you have a snakebite kit, seek help. What's the worse thing to do? Get upset, chase the snake and kill it. When unintentionally or intentionally the victim of an unkind remark, what's the best thing to do? Forgive, move on, let go of the anger and resentment. What's the worse thing to do? Strike back, harbor resentment and anger.
- Grant M. Bright
Very often when you look at the moon, you see only a part of it, but you know there is a much larger object there. Very often we look (or converse) with a person, and we see or are aware of only a small sliver of their life and we may think that that is all there is. Try to get to know more about the whole person!
A gossiper is a person who talks to you about others. A dull person is a person who talks to you about themselves. An interesting person is a person to talks to you about yourself.
What is the shortest word in the English language that contains the letters: abcdef? Answer: feedback. Don't forget that "feedback" is one of the essential elements of good communication.
BODY LANGUAGE often communicates more than words do. In front of a group, do the following: Say "Watch me and do what I ask you to do. Make a circle with your thumb and forefinger - like this. Now put this circle on your chin." (As you say this, put the circle on your cheek.) Many will put the circle on their cheek rather than their chins, showing that they were following the body language rather than the words.
The 500 most commonly used words have an average of 28 meanings each. Look up the word "run" in the dictionary for an example.
- Grant M. Bright
It because very convenient for people to switch their positions when they are allowed to use vague language or information. Challenge them!
How many languages are there in the world? How about almost 6 billion! Each of us talks, listens, and thinks in his/her own special language that has been shaped by our culture, experiences, profession, personality, mores and attitudes. The chances of us meeting someone else who talks the exact same "language" is pretty remote. (By the way, it is estimated that there are approximately 4500 different languages spoken in the world, depending on how you view certain dialects.)
His thoughts were slow, His words were few, And never formed to glisten, But he was a joy to all his friends, You should have heard him LISTEN!
| End of Quotes on "Communication" |