Trust Builders:
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated
Praise is like champagne. It is best served while still bubbly.
Respect can not be learned, chased or acquired - it can only be earned.
A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else.
If your friend won't lend you fifty dollars, he's probably a close friend.
A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.
The greatest good we can do for others is not to share our riches but to reveal theirs.
You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
If you treat a person as he is, he will become what he is; if you treat a person as he could
To err is human; to blame it on others is even more human.
If you know why you drive others up a wall, perhaps you can help them down.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
How do they train killer whales to jump over the rope at Sea World? Do they hang a rope 20 feet over the pool and then shout to the whale "Up, up, up!" No. They start with the rope under the water. When the whale swims over the rope, it gets rewarded. Then the rope is gradually raised. Each time the whale swims over it, again, a reward is given. How often do you give a "reward" to those with whom you work? Only when the final goal is reached or do you give praise along the way as incremental progress is made?
Don't "should" on people. When people complain, say "I know you wouldn't complain unless it was important, right?" Then say "If it's important, I'm sure you would like to solve it, right?" Then ask "What are some of the options that are open to you?"
All of us have something to learn.
Everyone has a preferred pathway to excellence and to err is human.
The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.
We are all part of a learning experience; we are all resources to others.
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
When it comes to people, there are few simple answers.
When you hire people who are smarter than you are, you prove you are
Don't try to control someone else. It won't work. Think about a newborn infant. How much control do you have over whether it wants to poop, eat or cry? And you think you can control an adult!? Control yourself and you will then be truly ready to exert a positive influence on others.
Statement: "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times ..."
Relationship is the hub of the universe.
If wisdom's ways you'd wisely seek,
So remarkably perverse is the nature of man that he despises those that court him and admires whoever will not bend before him.
Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow with out it.
There's nothing so kingly as kindness, and nothing so royal as truth.
Oh many a shaft at random sent,
If you know why you drive others up a wall, perhaps you can help them down.
Rules for Being Human (found on a refrigerator in Toronto):
What gets rewarded gets repeated.
1. Empathize
2. Remember the little things
3. Keep commitments
4. Clarify expectations
5. Be loyal
6. Sincerely apologize
- Mark Twain
- William James
- Len Wein
- William Arthur Ward
- Dale Carnegie
be, he will become what he can be.
- Mark Twain
- favorite story of Ken Blanchard who has worked with the Sea World staff in San Diego
All of us have something to teach.
smarter than they are.
Response: "If you've told me a thousand times, isn't it about time that you learned something?"
five things observe with care,
Of whom you speak, to whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
- Thucydides
- Jess Fair
finds mark the archer little meant,
and many a word at random spoken,
may soothe or wound a heart that's broken.
- Scott
1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There are not mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error and experimentation. The failed experiments are as much as part of the process as the experiments that ultimately work.
4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better place then "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will, again, look better than "here."
7. Others are merely a mirror of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie inside of you. The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.
10. You will forget all this.
- Jack Clemmer
The surest way to knock a chip off a fellow's shoulder is by patting him on the back.
The greatest good we can do for others is not to share our riches, but to reveal theirs.
The inherent preferences of organizations are clarity, certainty and perfection. The inherent nature of human relationships involves ambiguity, uncertainty, and imperfection. How one honors, balances, and integrates the needs of both is the real trick of feedback.
- Richard Pascale and Anthony Athos
It takes a rare person to want to hear what he doesn't want to hear.
- Dick Cavett
Never criticize until the person is convinced of your unconditional confidence in their abilities.
- Coach John Robinson
It is very difficult to apply the old Indian adage 'Do not judge another until you have walked a mile in his moccasins,' unless you get out of your own moccasins first.
- Thomas Crum
Understanding the diversity of our gifts enables us to begin taking the crucial step of trusting each other.
- Max DePree
If there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent success.
Understanding the diversity of our gifts enables us to begin taking the crucial step of trusting each other.
- Max DePree
Trust is the lubrication that makes it possible for organizations to work.
- Warren Bennis
People loan their trust, they don't give it.
- Doug Smith
Poor communication is a symptom of poor performance and low trust -- not the cause.
Trust is difficult to define, but we know when it's present and when it's not.
- Warren Bennis
Trust resides squarely between faith and doubt.
- Warren Bennis
You don't build trust over the wire. Building trust takes flesh and blood.
- Lipnack & Stamps
You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view.
- Harper Lee
Everyone needs to know and feel he is needed...everyone wants to be treated as an individual.
- Jan Carlzon
Understanding and accepting diversity enables us to see that each of us is needed. It also enables us to begin to think about being abandoned to the strengths of others, and admitting that we cannot know or do everything.
- Max DePree
My green thumb came only as a result of the mistakes I made while learning to see things from the plant's point of view.
- H. Fred Ale
What we must decide is perhaps how we are valuable, rather than how valuable we are.
- Edgar Z. Friedenber
The effective team leader acknowledges individual differences, and challenges the team to meet as many individual needs as possible while achieving the team's goals.
- Fran Rees
Understanding is the willingness to put yourself in another's shoes for the sake of appreciating that person's experience of the world.
- Tom Rusk M.D.
Two heads are better than one only if they contain different opinions.
- Kenneth Kaye
Conflicting cultural values increase the risk of creating misunderstandings and decrease the morale and often alienate customers or business partners.
- Sylvia Odenwald
It's the things in common that make relationships enjoyable, but it's the little differences that make them interesting.
It is far better to be trusted and respected that it is to be liked.
If there be any truer measure of a man than by what he does, it must be what he gives.
- Robert South
The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person.
- Vii Putnam
Tact is rubbing out another's mistake instead or rubbing it in.
It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Some people feel they work in an environment where doing a good job is like wetting your pants in a dark suit ...it gives you a warm feeling but nobody notices!
MARRIAGE: The plural of spouse is spice.
If you continually give, you will continually have.
Those who are at war with others are not at peace with themselves.
- William Hazlitt
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.
- Benjamin Disraeli
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
- Kin Hubbard
To give without any reward, or any notice, has a special quality of its own.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Prejudices are often based on pigments of our imagination.
Everything in the world we want to do or get done, we must do with and through people.
- Earl Nightingale
MARRIAGE: is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
- Professor Irwin Cory
We own almost all our knowledge not to those who have agreed but to those who have differed.
- Charles Caleb Colton
A Short Course in Human Relations:
The six most important words: I admit I made a mistake
The five most important words: You did a good job
The four most important words: What is YOUR opinion?
The three most important words: If you please
The two most important words: Thank You
The one most important word: We
The least important word: I
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
- Philo
Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.
The key to understanding others is to first understand yourself.
Every man, however wise, needs the advice of some sage friend in the affairs of life.
- Plautus
The greatest need of every human being is the need for appreciation.
Friendship is like vitamins, we supplement each other's minimum daily requirements.
Never build your emotional life on the weaknesses of others.
We are not put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.
Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
The greatest good we can so for others is Not to share OUR riches But to reveal THEIRS.
By working to improve your relationships with others you may be able to avoid the line from country western music: "I couldn't see you leaving, but I can sure see you're gone!"
An individual without information can't take responsibility. An individual with information can't help but take responsibility.
- Jan Carlzon, CEO SAS
The real secret of happiness is not what you have or what you receive; it's what you share.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Friendship is like a bank account. You can't continue to draw on it without making deposits.
Never give advice in a crowd.
- Arabian proverb
Actually, the streets are quite safe today, it's the people on them who aren't.
Children smile on the average 400 times/day; Adults: 15 times/day. Ever wonder why?
Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.
EMOTION is Energy in MOTION.
Men give away nothing so liberally as their advice.
The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back.
- Abigail Van Buren
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost;
When health is lost, something is lost;
When character is lost, all is lost.
We give advice by the bucket, but take it by the drop.
Harsh counsel has no effect. It is like a hammer which is always repulsed by the anvil.
Small kindnesses, small courtesies, small considerations, habitually practiced in our social intercourse, give a greater charm to the character than the display of great talents and accomplishments.
- Mary Ann Kelty
COMMITMENT: There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos (coyotes, rattlesnakes, etc. depends upon area of the country).
Advice is like snow. The softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.
- Coleridge
Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
I like my tailor. He takes my measurements anew each time he sees me, whereas others expect me to fit old measurements.
- G.B. Shaw
He that gives good advice builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example builds with both; but he that give good admonition and bad example builds with one hand and pulls down with the other.
- Francis Bacon
10 COMMANDMENTS OF CORRECTING:
1. Thou shalt remember prior good deeds before thou passeth judgment
2. Thou shalt be aware that mortals err, often inadvertently
3. Before correcting, thou shalt find out what happened and why
4. Thou shalt not lose thy temper while correcting
5. Thou shalt not call employees "creative names"
6. Thou shalt not dredge up old misjudgments
7. Thou shalt make sure that all previous tutelages were received with clarity and understanding 8. Thou shalt check for insufficiencies in the skills of the error- maker
9. Thou shalt make thy corrections in private
10. After correcting, thou shalt discuss how such activities will be done in the future
10 COMMANDMENTS OF REWARDING:
1. Thou shalt seek out productive behavior
2. Thou shalt keep in mind that positive feedback to the employee is as the winds are to the eagle
3. Thou shalt offer gentle and frequent praise
4. Thou shalt reward valiant attempts as well as partial accomplishments
5. Thou shalt praise quickly after the event
6. Thou shalt remember that rewards declared in the presence of peers will multiply the power of the praise
7. Thou shalt tailor the reward to fit the deed and the doer alike
8. Thou shalt keep in thy memory that rewards yearned for by the accomplisher are the most appreciated
9. Thou shalt know that dollars are not the only reward
10. Thou shalt know that the language of the body can be as powerful as the speech of the tongue
When you look at others, imagine they are wearing a small sign around their neck that shouts in large letters: PMMFI (pronounced pum-fee). Pum-fee stands for "Please make me feel important!" Remember, people thrive on honest praise.
To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
- John C. Collins
ETHICAL MUSTS:
The six core ethical values parents should be teaching and modeling for their children, according to the Aspen Declaration on Character Education are:
1. RESPECT
2. RESPONSIBILITY
3. TRUSTWORTHINESS
4. CARING
5. JUSTICE AND FAIRNESS
6. CIVIC VIRTUE AND CITIZENSHIP
People don't CARE how much you KNOW, until they KNOW how much you CARE.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
- Mahatma Gandhi
HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT:
When you ______________ (or) When (describe situation) I feel (describe feelings). What I would appreciate is (state specific change) so that WE can (state accomplishment) and avoid (state negative consequences).
Everybody you meet knows something better than you - find it and use it.
How to bring out the best in others:
1. Ask your people to share their ideas
2. Welcome change
3. Set challenging goals and measure performance
4. Be generous with feedback
5. Reward initiative
6. Develop people who show special potential
No matter what accomplishments you make, somebody helped you.
- Althea Gibson
We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.
- Ian Percy
Harsh counsels have no effect; they are like hammers which are always repulsed by the anvil.
- Helvetius
Advice is like snow: the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon and the deeper it sinks into the mind.
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
He that gives good advice builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example builds with both; but he that gives good admonition and bad example builds with one hand and pulls down with the other.
- Francis Bacon
Use non-verbal communication to SOFTEN the hard-line position of others:
S = Smile
O = Open Posture
F = Forward Lean
T = Touch
E = Eye Contact
N = Nod
To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
- John C. Collins
Every man, however wise, needs the advice of some sagacious friend in the affairs of life.
- Plautus
As a result of trying to solve the "big" problems we face in life, many of us end up sacrificing individual relationships by doing things that we may consider as being small or insignificant at the time. This reminds us of the George and Gracie routine where George asks Gracie, "How do you cook a pot roast?" She replied, "I put both a big pot roast and a small pot roast in the oven. When the small one is burnt, the big one is done just right!"
We give advice by the bucket, but take it by the grain.
- William Alger
When bitten by a poisonous snake, what's the best thing to do? Remain quiet, suck the poison out. What's the worse thing to do? Get upset, chase the snake and kill it. When unintentionally or intentionally the victim of an unkind remark, what's the best thing to do? Forgive, move on, let go of the anger and resentment. What's the worse thing to do? Strike back, harbor resentment and anger.
Always do what is right. It will gratify most of the people, and astound the rest.
- Mark Twain
Some consultants are like the bottom half of a double boiler: They get all heated up but don't know what's cooking.
A Smile costs nothing.
Yet it's worth so much.
It happens in a flash
And the memory sometimes lasts forever.
It cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen,
But it is something that is no earthly
Good to anyone
Until it is given away.
So, if in your hurry or rush
You meet someone who is too weary
To give you a smile...
Leave yours.
For no one needs a smile
So much as he who has none.
The Value of a Smile:
An electric lineman once came in contact with a live wire, and the left side of his face was paralyzed. The jury in considering the damages, asked him to smile, but he could only smile on one side of his face; they subsequently awarded him $100,000 damages. If half a smile is worth so much and yet costs nothing then we certainly ought to have it in good working order, ready for constant use. However, we should remember that one who doesn't smile is no better off than one who can't smile.
Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.
People need your love the most when they appear to deserve it the least.
- John Harrigan
The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.
- George Bernard Shaw
Everyone is like a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
- Mark Twain
By doing simple acts of kindness for others, we can't help but lift ourselves up, too.
TRUST: Many organizations (unknowingly) operate by the 97/3 rule. This rule postulates that 97 percent of all people tend to be honest, loyal and hard working. However, 3 percent are sociopaths and not to be trusted. Many organizations, due to fear of the sociopathic element, put systems in place to protect the organization from the things the 3 percent might do. Unfortunately, these systems are then applied to the 97 percent as well, who feel, as a result, that the organization doesn't trust them.
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain
A man at a pay booth in a restaurant was overheard by the restaurant manager making a call. "Hello, Mr. Smith?" he was heard to say. "I understand you have been looking for an assistant." He paused to listen to the response. "Oh, you hired one two months ago and are pleased with your choice? Well, thank you anyway. I hope you continue to be satisfied with your decision." When he hung up the phone, the restaurant manager commented, "I happened to overhear your conversation. I'm sorry you didn't get a shot at that job." "Oh, that's all right," the man replied, "That was my boss. I was hired as his assistant three months ago and I was just phoning to find out how I'm doing!" Employees like to know how they are doing. When was the last time that you as a manager gave them some positive feedback? - or do you wait until they ask or call you?
There is a big difference between thinking: "I'm in a relationship and something's wrong. Therefore something must be wrong with the relationship." and thinking "I'm in a relationship and we've got problems. This is evidence that you are different than me."
- Wayne Dyer
Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important.
- T.S. Eliot
The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother.
When an elderly woman was asked why she was standing in line to buy stamps from a teller when she could have used a stamp machine she replied: "The machine won't ask me about my arthritis!"
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash
PRAISE LOUDLY. Blame softly.
Charm is the ability to make someone think that both of you are quite wonderful.
To find out what others are feeling, don't "prod" or "poke". If you want play with a turtle, you can't get it to come out of its shell by prodding and poking it with a stick, you might kill it. Be gentle not harsh, hard or forceful.
I'd rather see a sermon
Than hear one any day;
I'd rather one should walk with me
Than merely show the way.
The eye's a better pupil,
And more willing than the ear;
Fine counsel is confusing,
But example's always clear.
I soon can learn to do it,
If you'll let me see it done;
I can see your hands in action,
But your tongue too fast may run;
And the lectures you deliver
May be very fine and true,
But I'd rather get my lesson
By observing what you do.
For I may misunderstand you
And the high advise you give,
But there's no misunderstanding
How you act and how you live.
- Anonymous
Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.
- Jacob M. Braude
Really big people are, above everything else, courteous, considerate and generous - not just to some people in some circumstances - but to everyone all the time.
- T.J. Watson Jr.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
- Confucius
I don't like that man. I'm going to have to get to know him better.
- Abraham Lincoln
Think about the qualities of the best managers you ever worked for. You'll find that most of them:
- were approachable and easy to talk to
- rarely became overexcited or flew off the handle
- didn't let a few problems poison their whole outlook took a friendly, pleasant, positive approach
- showed consideration for the feelings of the people who worked for them
You can buy a person's time; you can buy their physical presence at a given place; you can even buy a measured number of their skilled muscular motions per hour.
But you can not buy enthusiasm . . .
You can not buy loyalty . . .
You can not buy the devotion of hearts, minds, or souls.
You must earn these.
- Clarence Francis
Two parts of empathy: Skill (tip of iceberg) and Attitude (mass of the iceberg).
TRUST: "I know that you will not - deliberately or accidentally, consciously or unconsciously - take unfair advantage of me. I can put my situation at the moment, my status and self-esteem in this group, our relationship, my job, my career, even my life, in your hands with complete confidence."
- Douglas McGregor
"LOVE", the feeling, is the fruit of "LOVE", the verb.
ONE SMALL ACT OF KINDNESS: An old man was walking along the beach with his grandson. His grandson picked up each starfish they passed and threw it back into the sea. "If I leave them up here," the boy said, "they would dry up and die. I'm saving their lives." "but," protested the old man, "the beach goes on for miles, and there are millions of starfish. What you are doing won't make any difference." The boy looked at the starfish in his hand, gently threw it into the ocean, and answered: "It makes a difference to this one."
The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.
- Theodore Roosevelt
Unexpressed feelings never die; they're buried alive and come forth later in uglier ways. Let the feeling live - it dies birthing; deny the feeling life - it struggles for expression.
In the last analysis, what we ARE communicates far more eloquently than anything we SAY.
No involvement ... no commitment.
You can say "no" and smile only when there's a bigger "yes" burning inside you.
If you want to retain the loyalty of those who are present, you must show loyalty to those who are absent.
The world is moved not only by the mighty shoves of the heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.
- Frank C. Ross
As the Moslems say: "Trust in Allah - but tie up your camel."
What kind of SERVICE do you give? Is it the best? Is it the most HONEST? A man, as a test of service stations, disconnected a spark plug wire, drove in and said he was having problems. Out of 667 garages, only 3 told him it was a spark plug wire and re-connected it for him. The rest gave him various estimates for "repairs" running from a few hundred to $3000.
| End of Quotes on "Human Relations" |